Since 2018, I’ve been intentionally documenting my life “firsts.” Let me clarify. This is not a bucket list. To be included on my list, activities must meet certain criteria: either spontaneous firsts, spiritually related firsts, or firsts that fall outside my comfort zone. Here’s a few: stumbling upon a pond full of swans; a new commitment for Lent; and rock climbing (albeit indoors). Stepping beyond what I feel comfortable with teaches me about myself and broadens my horizons. I’m learning! After all, learning requires risk—a stretch outside your comfort zone.
Risk-taking play gives children opportunities to learn a great deal in a manageable way: both tangible and intangible skills. They get to experience cause and effect, implement analytical skills, and build confidence—and have some fun doing it. As we provide these opportunities for our children, we aim for as safe as necessary—not as safe as possible. Of course, we’re not exposing them to hazards or physical dangers like high speeds or heights. They’re not using tools without instruction and supervision, etc.
Risk-taking play, instead, involves free play that has uncertain outcomes. Some examples include climbing, jumping over and beyond something, moving heavy objects, hide and seek, crawling under furniture, cooking, or balance beam walking. Children can get outdoors and jump off stumps; play with pebbles and shells; learn to skate or skateboard; climb monkey bars; use stilts; or play creatively with shipping tubes and boxes. Our local park has built an outdoor obstacle course—perhaps your kids can make their own! Risky play shouldn’t stop at a certain age or when you can say, “I’ve done that! Box checked.” I’ve gone rock climbing 3 times, but I’ve not stretched myself to free or even outdoor climbing. Levels of risk will change as children practice skills and as they age. My elementary-aged children loved challenging themselves on monkey bars. As teens, they loved to climb giant oak trees. But continuing to stretch your comfort zone doesn’t mean just endlessly increasing the difficulty. It’s also important to increase confidence and proficiency in that task.
I fear our culture has forgotten the great benefits of kids experiencing a proper amount of risk. It’s a way to strengthen problem-solving skills. When we’ve worked it out and succeeded, the result is great satisfaction. We learn how to assess risks. When our plan doesn’t work, we get to practice adapting, regulating our emotions, and looking for alternative solutions. The trick with risk is determining what defines “a manageable amount.” Each child’s growth in managing risk will be different. As parents, we also face a certain amount of personal risk in helping our children experience growth. How much do we allow our children to experience? In addition, our personal uncertainty and fear can tempt us to hover, minimize, or even eliminate these experiences. Do your children have opportunities to ponder their choices, experiment, and potentially fail? Our goal is to come alongside our children, monitor, guide, and give them the chance to fail, and then help them learn from that failure.
When was the last time you took a risk? I invite you to take the opportunity to model the process to your children, sharing your concerns and how you overcome them. ~Ruth
