The comparison game. I know I’ve played it. It’s a game that leaves you unhappy, unsure, and unclear about where the road you’re on is taking you. It’s not a fun and exciting game or one you can ever win. It doesn’t leave you feeling accomplished or satisfied, but instead it allows you to think that your best just isn’t good enough. This can leave you feeling shortsighted and ungrateful.
Comparing yourself to others is already a dangerous game, but comparing your homeschool or your children’s accomplishments to others is even more precarious. You might get together with well-meaning friends who are homeschooling or who maybe have their kids in a brick and mortar school, and you hear about how Johnny is reading three grade levels ahead or how Susie just can’t get enough of science. Or perhaps their kids are up early every morning with the beds made and chores done and ready to start school by 7:30 sharp. This also spills over to extracurricular activities. Your friends' kids are in music, dance, baseball, hockey, etc. while not missing a beat with their educational achievements. You leave the conversation feeling completely defeated, thinking you and your family are doomed for failure. Additionally, you might start to play this game while scrolling through social media. Resolved to do better, you promise yourself that you will raise the bar. This results in setting unrealistic expectations for yourself and your children that instead leave everyone feeling frustrated and even more unsettled.
Maybe your home education isn’t meeting the expectations you had once hoped for. (You will have an organized school with chores done by a certain time, you will do every science experiment, read a certain number of books, make time for the extras that never seem to get done, and the list goes on). Instead, you find yourself just getting the bare minimum done, dealing with sickness, a child who is struggling with math facts, or another child who just doesn’t see the value in completing their writing assignment. And you’ve already voiced your frustration with an obstinate child and it’s not even 9 a.m.
As you start yet another homeschool year or maybe begin homeschooling for the first time, make a pact with yourself that the comparison game is one game that you will not play. Instead, focus on admiring others’ successes without questioning your own. Think about what is best for your unique family and the important goals you have set as a priority for your homeschool. This might look completely different from your friend’s homeschool. But isn’t that the beauty of educating your children at home? Just because another family’s children have reached certain milestones early or are excelling at something you wish your child could master doesn’t mean you are not doing a great job!
There are specific reasons why you started homeschooling. Keep those reasons close to you and let them guide your journey. Don’t borrow someone else’s reasons. Your children really just want you present, your authentic self, being their loving mom and learning together with them. When you made the decision to homeschool, you wanted to succeed. Your love for your children and your desire to overcome any hurdles will drive you to be successful. It won’t be comparing yourself or your children to others.
On the other side of the coin, your children might be really excelling and doing some amazing things. It’s great to share successes, but remember to keep the bragging in check. Sometimes homeschool moms feel that they need to prove to the doubters in their lives that homeschooling actually works. Be careful about appearing to be a “know-it-all” living in a perfect world; otherwise, you might seem unapproachable to other homeschoolers who could really glean from your wisdom and advice. Just keep in mind others will eventually see the fruits of your labor, and you can give all glory to God for helping you through your homeschooling journey.
Have fun this year. There will be really good days and really hard days. On those difficult days, you can still feel good even if you accomplished only a little. As a homeschool mom, you are so incredibly busy that it’s easy to look at what you didn’t get done instead of what went well. Try to do a mind shift and think about the victories, even the small ones. My homeschooling journey is over, and my children are grown. The most memorable days are the ones that I remembered to focus on nurturing our relationship, didn’t sweat the small stuff, and kept the big picture in mind instead of trying to cram everything in just to check a box. ~Gina
